Love's a boom box

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 05:21:17 GMT

For once in my life, everything is going nicely, and I don't give a fuck.

I want to spend tomorrow listening to Ben Folds. My LJ background reminds me that I don't even have a single song on my iTunes.

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 05:33:16 GMT

I saw Why? tonight and it was such a nice experience. Nothing else mattered but singing "Twenty-eight" out of my lungs followed by "21st Century Pop Song" which is one of the best Hymie's Basement songs. I picked up a nice tee. I'm so happy my strep throat subsided for a hot second while I was there.

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 04:09:06 GMT

i write in my secret blog way too much and have been neglecting you, live journal. im so sorry.
here's something i don't mind making public.
i'm losing, or have already lost, everything. i guess it's for the best, but i fucking can't stand how i feel at night sometimes.
and i love kevin for helping me fall asleep every night.

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 03:28:18 GMT

iiiiii don't knowwwwww

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 18:59:38 GMT

I'm usually comfortable with my life right now. I don't know why, I don't think I have any real reason to feel content with it, but at the same time, I don't think I really have any complaints either. I just hope that the friends I've made in the past couple of days won't go to waste and actually mean something to me. I'd like that a lot. I can never have enough friends.

As for Central, I'm living in an all girls dorm with some girl that I'm too non-confrontational to call. I hope she gives me a ring, but until then I'll just wait. Maybe I'll send her an E-Mail or something, I'll just make up what I think her address is. Sounds like it would work in my head, but I'm not sure.

I love work, but am uneasy about it this week. I don't know why, I hope that changes tonight.

Also, you are a wonderful human being, real swell and all. I appreciate the existence you have in my life. I know you won't ever read this, I won't ever tell you this journal exists. You're just great, one of my good friends, regardless of the short time we've known each other. I'm not scared to hear what you want to tell me, but I have no idea how to react to it because I adore our relationship and would rather not see it diminish because of something we both can't handle. I hope you know that. I really hope you know that.

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 00:23:10 GMT

sorry your life is going so great right now that whenever i get upset about something you act like you never had a bad day in your whole damn life.

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 13:19:19 GMT

I had a incredibly vivid dream about my dead great grandmother last night. I bought a pack of cigarettes and gave them to my cousin to hide in her purse upstairs in my grandmother's house, which the rooms upstairs were like rooms you'd find in a Newport mansion. I was explaining to her my sister's wedding because, in my dream, we had her wedding reception in those rooms. I was trying to tell my cousin that before she left to go back upstairs and say she forgot something so she could come back down and give me my cigarettes. While we were up there the door from the stairs opened and my great grandmother walks up, speaking nearly perfect English. Eventually we were all outside looking at stars, which were perfectly visible, and it was like both my cousin and I were both five years old...really stoked to see my great grandmother and pointing out every cool thing we saw in the sky. I wasn't sure, but I thought she was going to die there, like that. She didn't, instead we went back inside and turned on a fan and I had to reconstruct a cellphone for her while she texted and played a game on mine. And my uncle was being a huge dick to her, but he's a huge dick to everyone. Then my alarm went off.

My great grandmother died in September 2006, and this is one of the first times I've thought about her and the fact that we shared no real memories. I despise the language barrier that exists between my grandparents and I, and I despise my parents for putting it there and never trying to teach neither my sister nor I Italian. I hate these kinds of dreams.

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 06:25:05 GMT

i think that for once things might be sincerely looking up for me. knock on wood. i've been happy. and coincidently, i haven't been drinking, either. i'm not sure if there's a connection, but i'm just going to do what i do and go with the flow. it's gotten me this far, after all.

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 20:29:44 GMT

i know that i have a limited amount of people in my life that i'm actually relatively close to. on the other hand, i have hundreds of acquaintances that i brush shoulders with about once a week and still have never had a full conversation with them. a part of me likes the unfamiliarity i hold with a bunch of people, but as i'm losing people i actually care about, i have more room for conversation. but i am too shy to make that happen. im currently working on trying to make myself more outgoing and be able to talk to people without being so nervous. there are a lot of people i want to get to know better in my life. im so silly.

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 19:22:05 GMT

i still can't wrap my head around the idea that it's really over between you and i. i don't know if i could ever forgive you now, but i hope you have forgiven me.

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 03:07:49 GMT

lost all hope in thinking sneezing meant someone is thinking about you.
i sneeze too damn much.

Sun, 31 May 2009 16:54:02 GMT

it's so nice outside and i'm laying on my bed. i don't know what my problem is lately, but i don't see it coming to an end any time soon. consistent feelings of despair, or something. i want him back in my life so bad but there's something on the other end that pulls this away every time the ball is even touching my side of the court. i don't know, i keep wanting to tell myself that i don't care but i don't think lying will make this any better.

i don't want to feel like this anymore.

Thu, 28 May 2009 15:59:18 GMT

yeah, the weight has been lifted.
but i still want this more than anything.
i don't think i've ever been so motivated about something
...until now.

Mon, 25 May 2009 19:49:50 GMT

Get out of my head.

I hate myself for this.

Fri, 22 May 2009 02:39:15 GMT

somethings just boggle my mind to no confirmed ending.

Thu, 21 May 2009 04:58:40 GMT

i have a job and it feels good.
even though im 100% bummed on criminal minds being over,
and the fucking obscene ending that will dwindle around my head
for the next year until i know hotchner is alive and well.
fuck!

Mon, 18 May 2009 15:39:22 GMT

i had a dream a dog bit me and only good things came from it.
wheres sassy?

Mon, 18 May 2009 01:58:52 GMT

"God knows that I'd do anything for a part two, or to be praying for the day you come back to me, saying that you forgive me. Give me another chance, I'm needing it like a kidney; I don't wanna advance, give me back her hands, give me back her touch. I don't ask for much but I fucked up, I know I fucked up, I admit I fucked up..."

Holyshit.
TellhimtofuckingREADTHIS.
I'm going crazy.

Sun, 17 May 2009 02:55:14 GMT

"Saw myself touch your face, and I noticed jets began to race above our heads.

& I pinched my arm, remembered how much you hate me..remembered the fact I can't see what you need. Too stupid to be aware of the beauty that you give this place and how shitty this town would seem without you in it when you walked around.."

Fuck.
I hope you read this and know it's about you. I'm sorry.

Sat, 09 May 2009 02:42:32 GMT

It wasn't Salve. It's me. I'm still so miserable. I don't know what to do about it.

I wish my cable worked and I didn't fight with my mom.

Wed, 06 May 2009 22:29:24 GMT

I'm shaky and I just want to be with some one. Anyone. I'm alone. Get me out of here as soon as possible.

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 03:50:11 GMT

Knowing that one of my favorite educators in high school had experienced Vietnam first hand is what I consider a solid reason that I can't voluntarily read about it. After seeing him unable to speak about it and having us read only material on not the war, but how the war affected its soldiers and the Vietnamese people, proved to me that he wakes up every day and has to apologize to everyone for the damage he's done... even if it was against his will. Knowing that it affected one of my biggest mentors that I will ever have in my life, affects me in ways I can't even put into words. I just put his face in the filmstrip that plays through my head when I read my history book and I can't even take value from the words on the page and go off on a thinking-tangent to the point where I've read almost a whole page without getting anything from it.

I need to be a history teacher more than anything.

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 16:20:23 GMT

Griz and Tommy came up for the weekend, and it's really nice to just like someone and know they like me back. I'm okay with this feeling, and I didn't think I would be. ..But I am. It's good.

Brittny got her fucking license. I am so stoked for summer like 300x more.

I have to go get dressed, apparently I'm going to see Fast & the Furious at like 3:20 or some shit.
I just wanted to publicly proclaim my love for Brittny Coughlin.

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 21:42:04 GMT

I haven't felt pretty in a really long time.

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 14:14:13 GMT

I'm slowly growing more and more self conscious. I don't know how to make it better. I want summer and Connecticut.